to be patient

it's a difficult thing
when the puzzle pieces fit
for everyone else
and i'm stuck
and old habits
die hard

but there's hope
always hope
yet it throws me for a loop
when maybe what i need
is so far
so damn far
yet so very close

to be patient
is a lesson
disguised as a gift
i want desperately
to tear into
it will never be easy
but it will be worth
every
single
moment
when it turns out
life isn't such a puzzle
anymore.

keep moving forward

i'ts february. my skin is dry, i've developed cabin fever, and snow is falling for the third hour. this winter has been particularly cruel, in my opinion. not simply weather-wise, but it's the kind of feeling when you just need to feel sun on your skin and it's gloomy on your only day off. i feel like my synapses have been realigned and i'm learning to use my brain again. i've been in quite the fog for several months, and it's only begun to lift. after this winter storm there are only a couple weeks left of february, the longest short month, and march is the homestretch for spring. 

i can't wait to open up the windows, air this place out, and really continue to make it my own. i'm taking the newness of spring and running with it for as long as i can. i will make changes in my life that are far overdue, and i will feel more hopeful about my future. if only i can keep this dream up until that one morning you wake up and smell spring. you know the smell. i've fought this winter tooth and nail and it's winning the battle over my motivation. i've just got to weather the, well, weather until i feel that wonderful sun. 

this essential moment came to me recently. it was sort of an out-of-body experience. it was the moment i realized i'm finally me. i've found who i am. i don't mean style, where i live, or my job. i mean who i am intrinsically, and i have this wonderful feeling about spring this year. the last few weeks of winter will be spent "sharpening my tools" so to speak, because i plan to shine bright.