i'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery

It's kind of funny how surprised I get when people are good. I really try to see the good in people daily, even if they seem like bastard covered bastards with bastard filling to quote my favorite show, Scrubs. To see people for who they are on the outside in those brief encounters is easy. For some reason I'm unable to accept that there isn't more depth to it. Lately it's been a stream of unconscious narcissism pummeling toward me forcing me to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge the negativity. 

In those rare moments when I connect with a person and we can share a laugh or a smile, I am grateful for my ability to see past the mundane and actually be humanistic. I think a lot of us, and I am guilty of this as well, get caught up in titles and we forget that we are human. I believe in going a little above and beyond to make people feel a little more comfortable and respected. As difficult as it is to change someone's perception of a situation, I try. And quite often I will succeed. 

The thing about me is I'm so damn empathetic I sometimes get myself in trouble. When you open yourself up to people you're taking a chance and sometimes it gets thrown back in your face. On those occasions where another person is just as willing to open up a little, it makes you feel like what you're doing is worth it. When I talk about "opening up" it's a very subtle difference. It happens within seconds but you can almost feel the air change. It's that moment you can get a smile from a crotchety old man who is grumpy as the day is long, just by remembering he's someone's grandfather, and treat him like you would if he was your own. (always in my heart) Or the time you share a laugh with the high and mighty woman who condescends just about anyone she comes in contact with because you crack a joke and she realizes you're harmless. 

My mom likes to tell me you're unexpected. I'd love for her to share her full interpretation, but all I have is how she explained it to me when I responded what the hell does that mean? First of all, every mother is going to tell you you're beautiful, and when she does, take the compliment because sometimes a compliment from your mom is the only one you'll get for a week, and she really does mean it. The strangely packaged compliment came from my mom when we were couch shopping for my apartment right after I'd launched myself onto an extremely bouncy loveseat. A nearby (quite handsome) salesman laughed with my mom because my face showed I thought what I'd done was completely normal. She said that people tend to think of me one way because of my look (which I have yet to really understand), but my personality is the unexpected part. I guess she's trying to say people expect me to act a certain way but somehow I am completely different that their preconceived notions. I like it. Who wants to be predictable?

*This post comes from a sleepy headed (even though it's 3pm) girl who works hard but laughs harder. It may not be completely coherent (my brain is wonky today) but it's real. I hope to not let another two months go by before I post again.